Breaking the News: How to Tell Family and Friends About Your Child’s Autism Diagnosis
Receiving your child’s autism diagnosis is one thing. Sharing it with parents, grandparents, and extended family is something else entirely.
For many parents, the diagnosis is a mix of emotions—grief, fear, and overwhelm. Some parents feel an urgent need to tell the world, while others retreat, holding onto the diagnosis like a fragile secret. The thought of sharing it with others can bring waves of worry, stress, and fear of judgment.
I know this feeling all too well.
For a long time, I kept my son’s autism diagnosis to myself. I was afraid—afraid that people would judge him, that they would judge me, that he would be put in a box he could never escape from.
But I also know the relief that comes with finally speaking the words out loud.
I remember the first time I told someone—just a stranger at a park. I said, “My son is autistic.” The moment those words left my lips, it felt like I had put down a 50kg sack of potatoes I had been carrying for years. My whole body felt lighter. The words were simple, yet they held so much weight. They weren’t laced with shame or grief. They were just the truth. And in that moment, I finally allowed myself to embrace it.
Looking back, I see that no one else was holding me back from sharing the diagnosis – I caused that heartache. It was me that decided not to share the diagnosis. It was me that would mask every time I would leave the house. It was me that would push those feelings down every time I had a drink. It was me that I was trying to fix, not my son.
If I could do it again, I would take a different approach. Here are three key strategies that can help when sharing your child’s autism diagnosis with family and friends:
- Education is Key
For many people, their only reference point for autism comes from outdated media portrayals—like the movie Rain Man. While it was a form of representation, it didn’t reflect the reality of my son’s autism.
When sharing your child’s diagnosis, it’s important to offer resources that show what autism truly is. Share success stories of autistic individuals who have thrived. Provide books, podcasts, and articles that explain neurodiversity. The more informed your family is, the more likely they are to understand and accept the diagnosis.
- Frame the Diagnosis as a Strength-Based Conversation
Too often, conversations about autism focus on what a child can’t do rather than what they can do. I can’t tell you how many meetings I’ve sat in where my son’s challenges were listed like a checklist, with no acknowledgment of his incredible strengths.
Instead, when sharing the diagnosis, focus on what makes your child unique. Talk about their talents, their passions, their areas of brilliance. Autism is just one part of who they are—it doesn’t define their entire existence. Help your family see your child’s potential, not just a label.
- Gauge the Right Time and Approach
Not everyone is open to an autism diagnosis, especially in cultures where neurodivergence is misunderstood or stigmatized. Some families may struggle to accept it outright.
If you know your family may be resistant, consider easing into the conversation. Start by sharing small observations:
- “I’ve noticed that transitions are a little harder for him.”
- “She processes information differently than her peers.”
- “He’s incredibly gifted in [insert strength], but social situations can be tricky.”
Your Family’s Reaction is Theirs, Not Yours
For years, I lived in fear of being “found out.” I worried what people would think. But looking back, I see that their reaction was never about me or my son—it was a reflection of them.
If you take anything from this, let it be this: Hold your head high. Your child deserves to be seen, loved, and supported for exactly who they are. And they need you to lead the way.
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