Behavioural patterns – what is the missing link?

One doesn’t train to be a parent of a special needs child.  There is no pre learning, no course you can take before hand to ensure your success.  No one teaches you about stress management, strategies for self-regulation or even the simple use of the breath.  Being consistently triggered is something that I’m not sure parents really get used to.  Do we adapt?  Sometimes.  Do we recognise when the wave of emotion is coming and what happens when it does comes up?  Yes, however and there is a big however here.  Parents are only adapting because they become supremely aware of the pattern that they follow.  It takes a lot of work to recognise those patterns within yourself.   It’s not as clear as something hitting you in the head that you think, aha, now I can see this pattern.  No, its subtle and quiet and the noise of the overwhelming emotions overtake your logical brain so sometimes you can’t see what’s next.

Do you think your recognising the patterns?  I can safely say that after completing my coaching studies, all that I’ve learned about NLP (Neuro Linguistic programming) that I am still working out how to pick up the patterns within myself.  Can I pick up the patters in someone else?  Not a problem.  But within myself it is much harder.  We’re so caught up in our own brains, in our own thought cycles that its very hard to separate the two.  This is why I am so deeply passionate about my work.  We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them, Albert Einstein.

This leads me to my next statement – this journey is not meant to be walked alone.  Without community one will not thrive.  Trust me on this, I tried and failed miserably.  The shame, blame and guilt kept me small.  Kept me from reaching out to build a community of my own.  Somewhere I could feel safe and connected with other like-minded parents.  This is evident to see what happened to people’s mental health during lock downs.  As humans we are wired to be together to seek out connection.

The pattern that I’ll normally see within my clients and within myself looks something like this – the bad news comes, cortisol spikes, adrenaline spikes, we go into fight or flight mode, emotions are heightened, and we go one of two ways – 1.  Crying.  2. Anger.  Both usually end up leading towards the addiction/numbing response that I’ve mentioned on other blogs such as alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling, etc.  So effectively we restart the grieving cycle all over again.

Its in the awareness that we have the key to be able to unlock the solution.  To be aware means that we can choose a better choice.  A healthier choice for us, for our family for our child.

Are you running a pattern that isn’t serving you?  Let me help you with your patterns.  Book in a free 30 minute call so we can discuss it further.

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