Why I Would Choose This Life Again: A Reflection on 100 Blogs
This is my 100th blog. Holy Moly! Can you believe it! 100 pieces of writing that I have poured my heart and soul into to ensure that carers understand this truth, caring for a child diagnosed with autism is most certainly a journey but not a tragedy.
Over these 100 blogs, I have covered a variety of topics aimed at helping parents put their oxygen mask back on. As carers, we’re usually treading water—waiting for the next meltdown, the next absconding, the next overwhelming wave of emotions that leaves us feeling helpless and hopeless.
I started writing these blogs on August 3, 2022, and I was in such a different headspace then compared to where I am now. I’ve learned so much in those two-plus years—things I never imagined I’d discover about myself or my son. The lessons I’ve learned have shaped me into who I am today.
Someone recently asked me: “Do you wish your angel boy wasn’t autistic?” My answer is no. If my son were neurotypical, I wouldn’t be who I am today, and he wouldn’t be who he is today. I’m grateful for the hard times because they’ve taught me an abundance of lessons. Now, I know you might be rolling your eyes right about now, but hear me out.
I remember hearing a mum say something similar many years ago when we were just starting my son’s diagnostic journey. I thought to myself, You’ve got to be kidding. Who would choose this life? Who would choose to have their child diagnosed with autism? But now, I stand before you, hand on heart, and say: I would. I accept my boy with all his stims, his communication challenges, and his processing delays.
I choose it all.
I choose all of him because I choose all of me.
I don’t want to change who I am. I really like who I’ve become. I love the work I get to do. I love the people I connect with. And I love that I’m in a position to serve my greater community.
Life can throw you some serious curveballs, but your ability to adapt will be the deciding factor.
Recently, I spoke to a mum whose son cannot walk or talk without his AAC device. Yet she is one of the happiest people I know. She lights up a room with her presence.
For far too long, I was angry, anxious, and out of control. My emotions controlled me—not the other way around. If I had continued on that path, I’m not sure where I’d be now, but I can confidently say I wouldn’t be thriving as I am today.
Now, I’m excited.
I’m excited to share tools, tips, and strategies with carers. I’m excited to see what my son and daughter will master. I’m excited to be present with my husband. And I’m excited to see what 2025 will bring.
Life often presents us with defining moments—those forks in the road where we’re faced with two paths. Most people walk the path of lack, hate, anger, anxiety, depression, and helplessness. I know that path because I walked it too.
That’s why I’m here, every week, trying to show you that it doesn’t have to look like that.
Life feels so good right now that I could jump out of my skin. Had you asked me if I’d ever feel like this on this journey, I would have said it was impossible. I was too deep in grief, loss, and sadness.
I’m not saying not to grieve—it’s a necessary part of the journey. But don’t stay there too long.
So, with this 100th blog, I’d like to share one piece of wisdom:
Don’t look back.
The past doesn’t hold the answers. It is only in the future that you can fully take hold and master the answers to your questions.
If you’ve enjoyed this blog, I’d love it if you could share it with a friend or another carer walking this same journey.
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