What If It Was Always Meant to Be This Way?

What If It Was Always Meant to Be This Way?

What if turning back time didn’t change a thing?

What if, no matter how many sliding doors you walked through, no matter how desperately you tried to rewrite the story, you always ended up here—right where you are now?

What would you tell yourself?

What would you think?

How would you feel?

What if the answers you’re searching for aren’t in the past—but in the future?

Maybe you believe that if only you had done things differently…
If only you had eaten organic.
If only you had avoided fluoride.
If only you hadn’t vaccinated.
If only you didn’t catch gastro from the jerk at work

Maybe you think one of these things would have made the difference.

But what if they wouldn’t have?What if, despite everything, you still found yourself looking into your beautiful child’s eyes—seeing them exactly as they are?

Still autistic.
Still them.

What then?

How would you make sense of it?

I wish I had the answers. I don’t. But I do know this: living in the past is hurting you more than it’s helping you.

What if it was always meant to be this way?

What if, from the beginning, your child’s soul chose you?
What if God entrusted this child to you—because He knew you were the one who could love them, fight for them, and walk this path beside them?

Would you still be angry?
Would you still be sad?
Would you still be resentful?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that life isn’t about avoiding the hard. It’s about moving through it.
Climbing the mountain.
Reaching the summit.
Only to start again.

Would you still grieve if you knew, without a doubt, that this was never your fault?
Would you fight just as hard if you knew this was always the plan?

As parents of autistic children, we carry so many unanswered questions.
So much grief.
So much overwhelm.

But what if this is just the journey?

It doesn’t mean we stop fighting.
It doesn’t mean we stop showing up.
It doesn’t mean we stop advocating.

It simply means that this is the road we were always meant to walk. Some paths are harder than others.
But we walk them all the same.

And maybe—just maybe—that was always the point.

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