Redefining Motherhood: 3 requirements of being a good mother to an autistic child
Parenting an autistic child takes the word challenging and puts a neon sign around it and gives it a loudspeaker.
No one can prepare you for the journey you will go through when your child has been diagnosed with autism. No one can describe the ups and down’s. The high’s where you felt you could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel to the lows where you felt that you literally could not go on.
This blog helps outline what the 3 requirements are for you to be a good mum. I say good because no one in this game is expecting you to be exceptional. You’re sleep deprived, dysregulated and running on fumes.
So, let’s jump in:
- Perfection is subjective.
Now, I know I just said to you that this blog was all about being a good mum, but if you’re anything like me with an overachieving personality, you’ll want to achieve only the best. This is a reminder that perfection is subjective. What is perfect to you is mediocre to someone else. Do what you can with the tools and resources you have right now. Don’t waste crucial hours of sleep researching what supplement your child needs, prioritise sleep. Perfection is having a functioning parent. Perfection is having a mum that can be present. Perfection is having a mum that is regulated so that when her child becomes dyregulated, she has the energy to re-regulate them. Throw perfectionism in the trash and embrace good. You’ll thank me later.
- Stop allowing your thoughts dictate your reality.
How many times have you caught yourself looping (having the same thought go through your mind over and over again)? Having the same message reverberate through your brain on repeat. Most times, these thoughts aren’t even true, but the way we think about them our brain believes they are true. These poor-quality thoughts lead you to poor quality actions which leads to a poor quality future. A future that doesn’t allow you to advocate for your child like you should because your neck deep in fear and overwhelm. Choose a better thought.
- Find something that makes you happy and do it.
Ok, let me explain. This doesn’t mean I want you eat kilos of chocolate or copious amounts of red wine. I’m talking about an activity. Not social media scrolling or bingeing Netflix. Find something that you love to do that tops up your regulation. Whether you want to believe it or not, eating chocolate, drinking wine and bingeing Netflix all deplete your regulation bucket. Very much like the smoker who says that smoking takes the edge of his or her stress, only to learn later that they have lung cancer. Take up a hobby that you can do at home. Follow an exercise routine on youtube. Start knitting. Start making sourdough bread. Start dancing. Start reading. Start going for a 20 minute walk with a friend. Start something that your future self will thank you for.
This is a marathon not a race. Find what works for you and do it. You’re in a delicate situation – be kind to yourself and give yourself grace. For if you don’t, no one else will.
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