How to Help My Neurotypical Children Understand Their Autistic Sibling
Parenting is a delicate balancing act, and when you’re raising both neurodivergent and neurotypical children, the scale can sometimes feel impossibly uneven. If you’re like many parents navigating this dynamic, you may feel a tug-of-war in your heart—a desperate desire to meet the needs of all your children while fostering connection and understanding between them.
Helping neurotypical siblings understand their autistic sibling is not just about explaining differences; it’s about building bridges, celebrating individuality, and holding space for their feelings—no matter how messy or complicated they may be.
Understanding How They Feel
Neurotypical siblings might feel a whirlwind of emotions. They may experience:
- Confusion about why their sibling behaves differently.
- Frustration when routines revolve around their autistic sibling’s needs.
- Jealousy over the time and attention their sibling seems to receive.
- Guilt for feeling frustrated or resentful, even if they deeply love their sibling.
- Pride in their sibling’s unique strengths, which they may struggle to express.
These emotions can coexist, creating an inner storm that’s hard for a child to articulate. They need reassurance that their feelings are normal, valid, and safe to share.
What Can Be Done?
- Create an Open Dialogue
Start by talking openly about autism in age-appropriate terms. Share that their sibling’s brain works differently, which might make some things harder or easier for them. Let them ask questions—even uncomfortable ones. Normalize curiosity as a form of love. - Acknowledge the Challenges
Don’t sugarcoat reality. If your neurotypical child feels frustrated when their sibling interrupts or struggles with social cues, validate those feelings. Saying, “I can see how that’s hard for you,” shows you’re listening without judgment. - Celebrate Strengths and Differences
Highlight the incredible traits that make each child unique. Point out their sibling’s strengths—whether it’s a deep passion for a hobby or a creative way of thinking. At the same time, celebrate your neurotypical child’s strengths to reinforce their individuality. - Involve Them in Problem-Solving
Ask your neurotypical child for their input. “What do you think we could do to help your sibling during loud events?” Empowering them to contribute gives them a sense of control and fosters empathy. - Carve Out One-on-One Time
Amid the demands of raising an autistic child, it’s vital to give your neurotypical child dedicated attention. Whether it’s a simple walk, reading a book together, or a special outing, these moments remind them that they’re seen and cherished.
Validation: Their Feelings Matter Too
When a neurotypical child says, “It’s not fair!” or, “Why does everything have to be about them?” resist the urge to defend or explain right away. Instead, lean into their experience:
- “I hear you. It feels unfair sometimes.”
- “I bet that’s really hard to feel like you’re waiting a lot.”
Validation isn’t about fixing their feelings; it’s about showing them that their emotions are welcome in your family.
Ensuring Their Needs Are Met
- Teach Boundaries and Advocacy
Help neurotypical siblings set healthy boundaries, like asking for quiet time when needed. Let them know it’s okay to advocate for their needs without guilt. - Educate About Support Systems
Share how tools, therapies, or routines support their autistic sibling. Frame these as ways to help everyone, not just their sibling. This reframing can ease resentment. - Foster Peer Support
Connect them with other neurotypical siblings of autistic children through local groups or online communities. Knowing they’re not alone can be deeply comforting. - Model Self-Care and Balance
When you show up for yourself, your children learn that it’s okay to prioritize their well-being too.
Creating a Family Culture of Understanding
Understanding doesn’t happen overnight—it’s built brick by brick. Show your children that your family values patience, acceptance, and growth. Celebrate every milestone, every breakthrough, and every moment of connection.
Your neurotypical child doesn’t need to be perfect, just as your autistic child doesn’t need to meet anyone’s expectations but their own. What they need is you—a parent willing to listen, to validate, and to nurture a bond where everyone feels seen.
Because when your neurotypical child feels understood, they’ll not only better understand their sibling but also grow into a compassionate and resilient person who carries the lessons of your family far beyond your walls.
In This Together
Remember, this journey isn’t about solving every challenge or smoothing every bump—it’s about holding space for love, growth, and understanding, one step at a time. And when it feels hard, know that your effort is planting seeds of connection that will flourish in ways you can’t yet imagine.
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