How many times have you been offered unsolicited advice?

How many times have you listened to advice from people who aren’t in your shoes or who haven’t walked your journey?

For me, that number would be very, very high.  Let me take you back to the early stages, just after we had received the autism diagnosis for my angel boy.  I was listening to advice from GP’s, paediatricians, well-meaning parents and strangers that thought they knew better than what I did.

These people, no doubt well meaning, had no clue what I was going through daily.  They would sit there behind their desk or with their coffee, advising me of the best way to raise my child.  What would and wouldn’t work and what would be in the best interest of my child.

I, like so many mums have horror stories about what they have been told about their child.

One story that comes to mind was when my angel boy was learning to toilet train and the paediatrician’s advice was for me to put my hands on his shoulders and hold him down on the toilet even if he was kicking and screaming until he eventually relieves himself.  I’m sorry……you want me to do what?  As a Coach, as a lifelong learner as someone who loves learning about rewiring the brain and neuroscience how would instilling fear and terror in my child help with his toileting.

Another suggestion was when I was advised to never speak a word of my son’s autism diagnosis, because eventually he will grow out of it and there’s no need to label him.  This suggestion was so damaging because it held me back from my own healing.  It held me back from processing the full information about what his autism meant to me and what it meant for his and my life.

None of these people who handed their pieces of advice have ever raised autistic children.  Yes, they saw them every day in their practice, but they didn’t go home to them?

Until you’ve walked this journey you don’t get to have an opinion.  I don’t care if you are the most qualified book smart person there is, come and live in my house and walk in my shoes and then we can talk.

So next time, when someone gives you unsolicited advice, or offers you well meaning advice, ask them, have they raised autistic children?  If they answer is no, then you may want to keep or disregard their advice, but please don’t beat yourself up over how you should be showing up if you’re not measuring apples with apples.

You’re doing an exceptional job mama.  Keep going.  I know it’s hard, but use that beautiful intuition of yours in order to guide you to the next step.

As mums we are all doing our best to keep everything balanced, moving in the right direction and where possible to avoid meltdowns.  Mama you’re juggling a lot of balls right now.  Give yourself some grace.  Give yourself a break.  Give yourself the time and space to cry, yell or scream.  Process the information.  Process the diagnosis, because staying stuck won’t help your child and surely won’t help you.

Take a deep breath, recenter yourself.  I’ve got you.

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