There is no ‘I’ in my child’s play

Why does it make me so sad to see my angel boy playing on his own?  He’s happy.  He’s very content with his own play and being by himself, so why does this upset me so?  Being an extrovert, I always had a group of girlfriends.  There was always someone to call.  Someone to play with, someone talk to, someone to engage with.  As an extrovert, my cup was full when I was around my girlfriends.  They helped me regulate.  To feel like I was part of something bigger than myself.

So why, when I look at my beautiful angel boy does a pang in my heart occur?

It occurs because in my mind, I imagined, he would have a group of friends as I did.  I imagined that he would have people he could rely on to play with and connect with.  But the exact opposite is true.  He’s happiest playing on his own.  Not needing to be part of some social construct that he knows nothing about.

He’s doesn’t know the rules of the game, nor does he care to know.  He’s happy playing by himself.  And yet if you were to talk to the doctors, the pediatricians, the therapists, they are so quick to push that social interaction, citing that it’s a must have.  But what if it’s not.  What if he develops that social interaction when he’s ready, in his time.

The pang in my heart comes because I see him through my eyes.  Through the way my childhood was.  I thought my childhood was an absolute blast.  I learnt so much about growth and interaction from my peers.  It taught me confidence, patience and what it was to be authentic.  How will he learn these traits?

He will learn it through observation.  Through curiously watching his peers, he will see how they behave, see what play looks like and should he so choose to be part of the game then he can be part of it.  Should he choose not to, not because he’s not being included, but because he’s choosing not to be part of it, then that’s ok as well.

Why should my desire for him to connect and have friends play any part in his childhood.  These are my limiting beliefs, not his.  He’s happy to navigate his own path.

As parents, don’t feel like you need to put so much pressure on your child to make connections with kids.

I hate snakes.  Would my parents force to me to pat a snake if they thought it would help me connect with friends…..I certainly hope not.

Kids don’t need 100 friends, they just need one good friend, and our children will develop in their own time.

Be patient.  Be kind.  Support your child in their joy of being on their own.

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