Surviving Christmas: 3 Lessons I Wish I Knew About Outings
Christmas used to bring a whirlwind of emotions—happiness, sadness, joy, anxiety, laughter, and overwhelm. It wasn’t unusual for me to feel a mix of all of these emotions at any given point leading up to Christmas… and then the day would arrive.
My beautiful angel boy would wake up and see a stack of Christmas presents under the tree, but with little motivation to unwrap any of them. Cue sadness.
After wiping away my tears and pulling myself together, the morning routine would follow. Breakfast, then the impossible task of getting him into a “cute” Christmas outfit. Gel in the hair? Not a chance. My boy wouldn’t have any of it.
Then came the car ride, loaded up with Christmas presents and a pit in my stomach. We were on our way to my brother’s house, and I was riddled with anxiety about the day ahead. My immediate family knew about his diagnosis, but the extended family didn’t.
What if he starts stimming with his hands or voice? What if he lies on the floor? What if he starts playing with mine or someone else’s hair? My anxiety felt like it was reaching another stratosphere.
When we arrived, my son greeted no one, covered his ears, and headed straight for the toys. I headed straight for the champagne—anything to calm my nerves.
And of course, he did all the things I had worried about – stimming, lying on the floor, and playing with my hair. He was simply trying to regulate his dysregulated little body—something I knew very little about at the time.
I tried to laugh it off, joking that he was going to be a hairdresser someday, hoping people would chuckle and move on. But inside, I felt like I was cracking under pressure.
Looking back at those Christmases, I feel a pang of sadness. I wish I hadn’t felt the need to put up a front. I was so scared of judgment—of him being judged—that I never gave people the chance to be understanding, loving, and accepting. Instead, I closed myself off.
Now, with the hindsight and knowledge I have today, here are 3 things I wish I’d done differently for Christmas outings:
- Be Open and Honest
Share the reality of your child’s needs with family ahead of time. Explain what regulation and dysregulation look like for your child, what helps him/her feel comfortable, and what triggers stress. This creates an opportunity for others to support both your child and you. While it’s not always possible to have this conversation with everyone, when it is, it’s a game-changer.
- Bring Their Comfort Essentials
Pack anything and everything that helps your child stay regulated. Snacks, toys, headphones, sensory tools, chewy necklaces, music—if it works, take it. Yes, even the iPad. If anyone criticizes or questions your choices, calmly explain the alternative: a meltdown or overwhelming dysregulation. Trust me, most people will understand.
- Take Care of Yourself
As the parent, your regulation matters too. Do whatever helps you feel grounded—go for a run, practice yoga, meditate, attend church alone, or even schedule a massage for Christmas Eve. Christmas Day can be incredibly stressful, and you need to be at your best. Prioritizing your own needs is not selfish; it’s necessary.
While I can’t go back and redo those earlier Christmases, I can move forward with the knowledge I have now to make the day as smooth and joyful as possible.
If you loved this blog, please share it with a friend. And let me ask you: What are you planning to do this Christmas to ensure the day goes smoothly?
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