Big feelings from our little people
I’ve been quiet on socials this week. Quieter than normal. Because something big was going on in my life. Something that was requiring a lot of my time and my energy. My little people were experiencing some really, really big feelings.
School holidays can be long and sometimes, at the end, kids and parents alike become super dysregulated. Kids are bored, yearning for some structure and their friends and parents are desperate for some me time. A space that they can carve out that doesn’t have to be past 11pm to fill that burning desire to do what they want to do.
My blog often speaks to the ups and downs of navigating life with an Autistic child. In this realm typical children, the siblings of their autistic brother or sister can sometimes be put to the side. That is something I am not ok with. Typical children in a family where Autism is spoken all too often are found to not always have their needs met or to be expected to grow up quicker than they needed to simply because they were put in a situation whereby it was expected of them.
This week my beautiful, sassy, brilliant, smart, angel girl, my daughter, was having some very, very big feelings. Feelings that were most certainly triggering me into a spiral of anger and frustration.
In times like this, where parents are already stretched thin, potentially haven’t had enough sleep or that they just don’t have the energy to deal with a tantrum from their typical child who ‘should know better’, they snap. They parent from a place that is less than ideal. This is the moment, where I say we fly the white flag in surrender, but until that help can come – and by help I mean someone who can relieve you of parenting duties so that you can do something fun like wash your hair, go for a bath, go shopping, have a facial or just sleep. Until that moment can come, you as the parent need to step up and be able to offer your child what they need in those moments.
And this week, when the moments were tense, and she was beyond all reasoning all I could do was be with her. Hold her, hug her, cradle her. Allow her to hear my heartbeat. Allow her to feel seen, heard and recognised. I had to hold my own feelings with one hand so that I can ensure that her needs were being met. And in the times where I could hold space for her – her anger, her frustration vanished. She was needing from me, this part of myself that was born the day that she was conceived. This overwhelming sense of love and protection and ability to calm her nervous system by being present and offering that safe space.
This beautiful soul of mine is in my care. Its my job to ensure that she is raised with an understanding that when she is dysregulated that she knows that she can come to me. I hope that when she is older, just like I do with my own mum, that when I, as a grown adult, become dysregulated, my mum is one the first people, apart from my husband, that I will call.
As she gets older, I will absolutely teach her the ways she can regulate her own emotions without me or her future husband. She will be in control of how she feels, and she will intrinsically know what works for her. For me, I know I will need more baths and more sleep this week. I won’t be in my same state of energy that I am normally in and that is ok because my family will always come first. They are my priority. I was gifted these children from the Grace of God and I will always ensure that they come first.
So, to the parents who feel frazzled, tired and overwhelmed who have children where school holidays have finished and they have started the school term and for others, who are still in the trenches I want to say to you – I see you. I hear you. I am you.
We can do this together. The journey doesn’t have to be a lonely one.
If this resonates with you or its something you’d like to talk more about, please feel free to book in an obligation free introduction call.
I am here. Please book in a 30-minute free introduction call here. Let’s connect over a cuppa. I’ve got you.
