3 top tips when faced with adversity
“The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and the most beautiful.” Walt Disney.
I can confidently say that I have faced more adversity than most of my peers. I have been thrown more challenges and needed to find more solutions than most. However, it is through that process of having a challenge come up, staying calm, and finding the solution is where the lesson is at.
Would I say I’m an expert at it? No. Do I still need a moment. A time to cry, to grieve? Yes. But, ultimately, do I always pick myself up from the floor and with courage and conviction, find a solution that is best for my angel boy? That’s a hell yes!
Recently, a challenge came up and I’ll be honest it knocked me for six. It shook my foundation to its core, because I had a thought that what if this solution doesn’t work and we can no longer foster this method of learning. My heart sank, my stomach twisted and all of my fears came at me all at once. Whispering all of the worst case scenario’s.
It wasn’t until I was able to remove myself from the situation and ask myself these three questions:
- Are these thoughts true and how do I know them to be true?
- What can I learn from this?
- In what way can I show up for myself in this situation and better support me?
Did I know that these thoughts were true? Absolutely not. I had not even had a chance to meet with other party to even know what tangent they were on.
What can I learn from this? I made a point that when that fear, the anxiety, the terrifying worry came bubbling to the surface, I would thank it (my ego) for trying to keep my safe, but reminded my brain that I don’t need that right now. The feeling would go from boiling to a simmer to being turned off. Anytime it would come to bubbling again, I would follow the same process.
How can I show up for myself? I took as much time as I could for me. It’s in these intense moments when self-care isn’t a nice to have, it’s a necessity. So I ran baths, I exercised, I listened to inspiring podcasts and I rested. I gave myself permission to do the things that I wouldn’t normally do because I needed to in order to get my through to the next day, week, meeting, phone call, etc.
Its in these times, when something comes up unexpectedly, that we turn to the ‘thing’ to numb the pain. Drinking, smoking, shopping, gambling, you name it. Because all the old haunts come up as well. The stuff that you thought you’d dealt with comes up. The stuff that you thought you were past, weasels its way back in to cause havoc on your brain.
So, what happened with the meeting you ask? I had it. I was ready. My armour was on, I had all of the information on hand if we were to go in to war. I was prepared. And yet, to my surprise, to my delight, the other team came in to bat. They were offering a better solution. They were showing me that I was seen. They were showing me that there are people in this world that won’t make you fight tooth and nail every single time for your child. Because that’s what were good at right? As mums of special needs we become excellent warriors. Ready to fight a moment’s notice. We can sometimes stay in that armour too long. Stay in the fight or flight portal which drains us of all of our energy and our light.
So next time, you’re facing your next adversity, ask yourself these three questions:
- Are these thoughts true and how do I know them to be true?
- What can I learn from this?
- In what way can I show up for myself in this situation and better support me?
The answers might surprise you.
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